Sex in the small city

Why do we bother?

Can someone please explain to me why women even bother trying when it comes to their relationship with their significant others? Does anyone else out there feel that way or am I alone in my misery?

I have been married for almost 11 years to a wonderful man. Well, today - I have a different opinion of him - but all-in-all - a wonderful man. This man of mine is so hard on himself and lacks in self confidence. I knew this going in and have tried for 11+ years to surround him with love and support so he might one day know what the rest of us know - he is a good, wonderful and amazing husband, father and friend.

Last night, his lack of self confidence came to a boil. He came home late (after stopping to have a drink with a friend that turned into 2+ hours and a ride home). He has been going through a lot with work - so, even though I don't like it, I understand wanting to unwind and I completely appreciate that he knew he couldn't drive home.

So, anyway, his friend stayed for a beer or two (they were in the garage) and I stayed in the house, not wanting to intrude. His friend left and he came into the house. I was eating and watching my favorite show on TV - he grabbed a piece of pizza and came and sat down on the couch. The next thing I know - he is off and taking a shower and not at all talking to me. I tried to ask him about his day and start a couple conversations that he blew off.

OK - so I thought he was mad at me for some unknown reason. He got out of the shower and locked himself in my computer room and then later in the garage. This whole time - he only surfaces for more booze.

The night came to that boil a little while later.

He was in the garage and going thru my purse (yeah - gotta love that trust) and he found a note that I kept that he wrote me. OMG - he flew off the handle, accused me of being a slut and cheating on him and called me a whore in front of our son. Yeah folks - it was a great f'ing nite. He didn't remember writing that note and even went as far as to say it wasn't his hand writing. Words were exchanged - insults were flying - and threats of the "D" word kept coming. According my loving husband - he has suspected me of cheating on him for a couple months now and has been thinking of leaving me.
WTF???? Ok - first off - I have enough on my hands with one man - who the F**K wants to take on another one. Second (as I reminded him) - who has that kind of time. I go to work and I come home - where in there am I supposed to have time to carry on an extra-marital affair???? And again - who would want to? I am not the one who goes to the freaking bar 3 times a week for a couple hours at a time - if anyone had the opportunity (again - as I pointed out to him) - it would be his ass!

Anyway - I slept on the couch and he passed out in the bedroom. There was no way in hell I was going to be in the same room with him last nite - much less our bedroom. I got up this morning, made a pot of coffee and sat outside, listening to the rain. His ass got up, showered, put on cologne (yup - I am sure that was a "F" you - "I'm gonna make you curious" thing for my benefit), then he got on his bicycle and rode away (presumably to retrieve his truck from the bar I am sure he is at now) and hasn't come back yet - it's been a couple hours as of this writing. Now - I ask - who's the one who should wonder what the other one is doing?

Again - in closing - I would like to know - why we even bother. I know I can't win for trying - so why do I? Is it in hope that one day - one magical day - he will respect me and see that I support him, love him and would never hurt him?