I'm in a mood

Ok folks – I am gonna use my blog for what I originally started it for – just spilling my thoughts. Bare with me or find another blog to read – whatever works for you.

I haven’t been feeling myself lately and by lately – I mean over a year now. Some days are better than others and today is one of those days that I would like to crawl under a rock and disappear. I don’t know if it is exhaustion or depression – but I don’t like it.

Here are some of the things happening in my life – you decide.

A year ago now – my husband and I were having the worse time in our marriage. I had been lying about our finances, making him think things were peachy when they were far from it. I thought I was headed toward divorce. We have since worked through that and are stronger than ever before. But that is where I think this deep seeded feeling of nothing being right started.
Lately – it is much worse. Now I can still put on a happy face around my family and make it seem that I am happy and enjoying life. I can not seem to do that anywhere else and the times I am putting on that damn face are getting harder and harder. I used to have so much fun at work – now it is all I can do to make it through 8 hours without hurting someone or making a comment to get me fired. What the hell???
I am stuck in a mood I suppose. There are a lot of things on my mind lately and maybe this is all stress – hell, I was in a horrible stress situation a year ago too. Things on my mind range from the divorce my sister-in-law is going through to my son’s performance at school. The biggest thing on my mind lately is the fact that my husband hasn’t been feeling well for over two weeks. Now usually this isn’t a problem – we all get sick – right? But for some reason – this feels different. He has had this pain right under his breastbone – it isn’t a pain like you touch it and scream – it is more like an annoyance that isn’t going away. Now he thinks his abdomen is swollen on the right side. He actually called me at work the other day and had me make him a doctor’s appointment. This from a man who, well like most men, refuses to admit he needs a doctor. He has an appointment on Tuesday, unless this gets worse and then I will be calling the doctor and calling it whatever they need me to in order to get him in asap.

I don’t know you all – I really don’t. I can tell you that I am not PMS’ing – that was a week+ ago. I am sure that if I can ever get some sleep – that I will feel better – right? I do have an appointment for a check-up next month. That is an appointment I have put off for probably three years now but that is a whole other story.

**sigh** I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for “listening”.